He's Twenty One!

My son turned twenty one this week and naturally I'm writing about it. He chose a large cookie here instead of a cake. Gotta have those puffed out cheek shots, right?

Twenty one years ago the doctors said he wouldn't live a year. They said he'd never walk, never talk and never even know my name. "Take him home and love him," they said. I refused to believe them.

Ryan bears wounds from his struggle to live. It's just the way it is. At least he lives. Not only does he live, he has a full life with his job, his activities and his hobbies. Each year I send a Christmas card to the large metro hospital NICU with a picture or two of Ryan. I want them to know that what they did made a difference. This young man lived longer than a year. He walks, he talks, he knows my name. I love him and he loves me. This last twenty one years, while not easy, have been the best of my life because of the grace he has brought to it.

Even if he wouldn't have walked, talked or known me ... I still would have loved him as ferociously as I do now and even if he wouldn't have been able to say it, he would have loved me too ... even if he didn't know my name he would've known me as a feeling in his heart.

God bless all those babies and parents hearing sad news today. May they live in the special light that is grace.

Happy Birthday Ryan! I love you! Mom
Much love and joy to everyone,
Karen

Want to read about Ryan's birth? Get Children of Light at www.casparapublishing.com

Want to read about how a life lesson went horribly awry? Check out Karen's column Life on the Exceptional Side in Family Times in stores February 5.

A Deep Sea Fishing Journey

Hey everyone,

Here's a picture of me deep sea fishing BC (before child). Sometimes I miss all the fun vacations and experiences but I have to admit that my life is much fuller now. While challenges always keep me on my toes, I believe that the joys have far outweighed them.

I have met some of the most incredible people that I'll ever meet. I've experienced humility, grace and faith in a deep and abiding way. I've faced my own mortality as well as Ryan's. It's been a fishing trip on rough seas some days ... doldrums on others ... and sunny gorgeous days in between.

My son turns 21 next week. They told me he wouldn't live to see a year. I'm touched that God has deemed me worthy enough to parent this exceptional child. I never would have known my own strength and depth of character without this particular journey.

God bless you and yours as you travel this road with me. Remember, you're not alone. I'm out here too!
Much love and joy,

Karen

Adulthood and 21st Birthdays

Hello,

Just peeking in to see how you're doing. The holidays here were okay. Quiet, which in some ways is a good thing for Ryan. How did your child with special needs do during the crazy holiday time?

I received some very nice mail from people regarding the book chapter I put in my column. Thank you for that. I so truly appreciate knowing that I'm reaching people.

Ryan turns 21 this month. Where did the time go? Adulthood, however, has been a much better place to be for Ryan. I mentioned it to a friend of mine, Donna, once and she said the same thing, that adulthood tends to be a better time for our children.

I'm not saying that you should wish away your baby's childhood. I so miss holding and rocking Ryan when he's sick or had surgery. But don't think that adulthood gets harder because I've found more official and unofficial support for us with Ryan as an adult. You know your child so well by then that you are able to better find rewarding experiences for them.

Adulthood brings jobs, volunteer opportunities and some degree of autonomy in choosing what they like to do. That's so important.

For Ryan's 21st birthday we are heading to a casino. He wants to see what all the hubbub is about. His uncle works installing security systems in casinos and military bases so Ryan has always wanted to see where Gary works. (He puts in security systems all over the place .... he met his wife in Venezuela). So off we'll go. He'll get tired of pushing buttons fast. Because he doesn't really have an understanding of money, he's not going to anticipate winning it. Otherwise I wouldn't take him. We thought there might be a show going on (hoping for a clean comedian or some type of music) and perhaps we could help him with Bingo. At any rate, he's more concerned with looking around and staying in a hotel for a night.

What did you do with your young adult when they turned 21? Did you plan a family gathering? A birthday party?

Have a great week. Much love and joy,

Karen